A Loveless Pride Man
by Pinboo
Summary: Breaking up with her was a duty. Not admitting his love was a pride.But were those the right choice? ONE SHOT


Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, and the song used in this fic titled as 'Don't Miss You At All' by Norah Jones.

_He was always taught_

_Not to surrender to love_

_Love has its own tricky way to take his might _

_He was always told_

_Not to surrender to love _

_Love will only take away a man's pride_

_And what is a man without his pride?_

A Loveless Pride Man

"She really is beautiful, isn't she?"

Hiiragizawa Eriol blinked at what Mizuki Kaho had just said, and turned his attention to that fiancée of him. "Pardon?"

"Tomoyo-san. Look at her. I've never seen such a beautiful bride," Kaho commented as taking another sip of her Margarita.

"I hope that's not spoken with jealousy,"

She gave laughs –though humorless. "What makes you think so?"

"… I'm just afraid that… you still think that there's something between me and Tomoyo-san," replied the blue-eyed sorcerer.

"Is there?" Kaho asked.

Eriol gazed at Kaho's ruby eyes.

…

"No. Of course not. It's only past story," he answered finally. "And besides… you… the destiny…us…" he mumbled, but she understood it.

Kaho sighed. "I'm going to fill my glass again. You want too?"

Eriol shook his head. "I think the alcohol is enough for tonight. You'd also better not drinking too much, Kaho," he reminded her.

"Don't worry about it," She left her seat and disappeared in the crowd.

The Hiiragizawa guy exhaled silently and drank whatever droplets remained in his wine glass.

And he then fixed his gaze to a certain raven-haired woman dancing gracefully with a brown haired guy in the center of the room.

Daidouji Tomoyo-san.

No.

There was no more Daidouji Tomoyo, he thought as staring at that brunette haired man –Saionji Kotarou. Tomoyo-san was now Kotarou-san's…only woman. Just this morning they exchanged vows as the new husband and wife.

Kotarou had been his old classmates in Tomoeda High School. He had had crush on Tomoyo ever since. Kotarou had loved Tomoyo when she was… Eriol's. When she was once his girlfriend.

The more reason why Eriol hadn't completely understood why then that old mate chose him to be his best man. True, that they were pretty close in high school, but if Eriol were Kotarou, he wouldn't choose his soon-to-be (in the real case, the _already_) wife's ex. boyfriend to be the best man.

Maybe because of guilt. Sometimes, Eriol sensed that Kotarou had secretly felt a little sorry that his wife was once his good friend's girl.

Maybe it was pure innocence. Kotarou could just forget about the little fling in the high school time, and asking Eriol to be his best man of honest friend's request.

Or it could be a revenge. Kotarou could just want to make Eriol feel guilty or unease or it was just a plain man showoff? He loved the previously Daidouji girl very much, and practically just disliked people who had ever hurt his beloved.

People who had hurt Tomoyo's feeling.

People like him –Eriol.

If that was so, Eriol couldn't really be mad at him.

If that was true, Kotarou had every right to punish him.

But it didn't mean that he really meant to hurt the amethyst-eyed girl. No way. She was such a dear, nice friend. She was just too lovable to hurt. If she happened to be hurt by him, well, it was truly unintentional.

And so, there was Kaho. She was actually…fine. Beautiful, mature, smart, and kind. He really liked her. Truthfully. Since he was 12 years old, he had grown feelings toward that Tsukimine Shrine Priestess. But in his latest year of Jr. High, his relationship with Kaho had gone into jeopardy. It wasn't something really that well received for a student-teacher relationship. Under the public pressure, they decided to break up.

The break-up with Kaho had been too harsh a reality for him. Though there were Clow Reed's memories and some of his mind in Eriol's self, but he was after all… still the young Hiiragizawa Eriol. Still immature. And he thought, that was until Tomoyo Daidouji came to his life. She had sneaked into his mind, his heart, his soul. She had helped him to heal. She had given him new purpose of living.

And she had loved him…

Soon, Kaho had started to feel like old memory. Eriol tried to accept Tomoyo –this new person, in his life. It went well. Oh, it went too well. They were having great time. They made such a great couple…

Until he had come into a painful realization.

Clow Reed had destined him to be with Mizuki Kaho instead of Daidouji Tomoyo. Clow was always right. He was the voice in Eriol's head. Kaho was the woman for him. And not Tomoyo.

And who was him compared to the great Clow Reed?

It was written in the destiny, and there was nothing he could do with it.

So, one evening in the warm April, he broke up with the Plum Blossom

He thought he would be okay. That she would be okay. That they would.

But it went harder than he had expected.

Eriol, being the one who was obliged to hide his emotion, just quickly buried whatever he had ever felt to Tomoyo. Finding those memories as nothing more than just useless teenage hormones' reminiscences. He then tried to continue his life. Forget all about Tomoyo, and go back to Kaho.

He was succeeded.

He wouldn't think of Tomoyo anymore.

Or so he thought.

"Eriol-kun!"

Sakura's call broke his train of thoughts.

"What is it, Sakura-chan?"

"After Tomoyo-chan finish her dance with Kotarou-kun, you and I will dance with them, okay?" the Cherry Blossom maid of honor reminded.

He slowly nodded, and averted his sight to the dancing couple there.

Kaho was right.

Tomoyo was just heartbreakingly beautiful.

Wrapped in a simple satin, white gown. Glowing tiara on the crown of her dark, loose hair. Sparkling eyes, rosy lips, blushing cheeks… And such a carefree, beautiful laugh…

Something in his stomach flinched when he found out that she was laughing because of something Kotarou had whispered into her ears.

"Akh, it's our turn, Eriol-kun! Come on!" said Sakura as dragging him to stand up.

Soon, Sakura was paired with Kotarou, while Tomoyo calmly set Eriol as her dance mates.

"I almost thought you wouldn't come to my wedding," she started.

He had to keep the urge to just stare and get lost at those beautiful purple eyes. "Er… A man would never break his promise," he managed.

"You and your pride, still, Eriol-kun,"

"I guess that never leaves me,"

"Is it something to be proud of?"

Was it?

"I guess," he shrugged.

Her hands on his back tensed. "I see. It's all really for your pride, isn't it?"

He noted bitterness in her tone. But he chose to ignore it. He had better ignore her.

However, as her vanilla-citrus scent made the way through his nostrils, he couldn't help not to think how fool he was, how arrogant he was… to ever let her go.

But it was too late. He was the one who broke up harshly. Saying that he had never loved her even at the first place.

He knew he was such a big liar.

But there was no way back. Didn't know whether to thank Clow Reed or not, but the arrogance just prevented him to ask her back to her…for all of these years.

"Do you really love him?"

"Eh?"

"Kotarou,"

"Oh. Him. Well…" she sighed. "I can't see a reason why I should not love him, Eriol-kun. He is such a nice, perfect guy. I am so lucky to have him as my husband,"

"Really?" he squeezed her hand harder in faint realization.

She gazed at him with the kind of unreadable looks. "Yes. Of course,"

"Kaho is…also the perfect woman for me. I am so blessed that she is my fiancée now,"

She nodded. "You're right. Kaho-san. Beautiful, intelligent, kind, wise… Who could possibly not want her?"

"And I'm that lucky man," he said smugly.

"Yes. You're that lucky man, Eriol-kun."

"Our wedding will be held next month. I surely hope you and… Kotarou will come,"

"Don't worry. You will see us both the–"

"Kaho is so happy with this wedding. We've wanted this for years, and finally we can make our dream together to be real,"

"It's good to hear that, Eri–"

"And you should have seen her in all those wedding gowns she was trying. She looked like an angel,"

Tomoyo smiled. "No doubt in that,"

"I hope you still remember that you owe me a dance, Tomoyo," said Kotarou –who was suddenly standing between the previously High School couples.

She smoothly let go of Eriol's hands and smiled to her new husband. "How can I forget?"

Kotarou grinned and grabbing her wife's waist, he drew her lips to his.

Eriol just decided to turn his face away.

"Umm… thanks for the dance, Eriol-kun. Hope you enjoy this party," politely she said to the sapphire-eyed guy.

"Yeah. Eriol. Will borrow my wife from you first, okay, mate?"

He let her go with some unrealized reluctance.

"You don't love him,"

Though Eriol spoke it in low tone, and the fact that Tomoyo was the only one who could hear it in between the party's noises, she still could recognize the harshness in his previous statement. Ceasing her forehead a little, she looked up to see Kotarou was then busied with an old man Tomoyo recognized as his distant uncle, and after asking for her husband's permission, she then signaled Eriol to follow her to the back garden.

"Okay. What is your problem, Eriol-kun?" she asked once they were by their own on the huge, dark garden.

"What do you mean?" he played innocently.

"You. Why do you ask such a question?"

He blinked, before then smirked. "What Tomoyo? Did it hit the sensitive spot?"

When she ignored him, Eriol continued. "I know Kotarou, Tomoyo-san. And though he is surely such a nice man, he's not what you think he is,"

"I think of him as the right guy for me, alright."

He shrugged. "Well, if you think so. I can't purse you. As a friend, I just want you to get your happiness. I mean, it's not –well– fair for me to be happy with Kaho, when you…"

She frowned. "What is wrong with you, Eriol-kun? You seem to be…dazzled,"

"No, I'm alright. I'm not dazzled. I…" he chuckled. "Couldn't have been better. You know, I really am glad that you are married now. You don't love Kotarou, I know that. But if you think that can bring you happiness, then it's up to you. While me, Tomoyo-san? I'm happy. I've never been so happy that I now I have…I have Kaho with me! And I love her, Tomoyo!"

The Plum Blossom frowned more and folded her arms in front of her. After a while, she managed to say. "Are you drunk?"

He laughed. "Drunk! Drunk, Tomoyo? God, how could you think that? I. Am. Alright. Never been better. I am happy. Without you, I am happy!"

"Kotarou's aunt is a doctor. Do you want me to call –,"

"Don't mock me!" he yelled.

"Wha…how… I don't understand, Eriol-kun! Honestly, what is wrong with you! I have noticed that from this morning you kept sending death glares to Kotarou, and then you accused me for not loving him–"

"The last part is right, isn't it?" he cut her.

"And you then…" her mind searched for the word. "just keep babbling about your perfect life now without me, that you have Kaho-san, and…"

"You're jealous,"

"What!"

A satisfied smirk was form on his handsome face. "You're jealous. The fact that I could move on without you and be happy, while you can't!"

"… Is that what you've been thinking?"

"The truth, you mean?"

Tomoyo shook her head. "You're sick, Eriol-kun.

He looked blank for a moment, before later bitter laugh filled the night. "So funny, Tomoyo-san. I'm sick? Y-you are just jealous and just want to show how wonderful your life has been. You want to show me that I made a big mistake when I broke you up, right? You still couldn't accept the fact and to make yourself feel better you just want to make me feel guilty, right?"

There was slight hurt in her lilac orbs, but he chose to pay no attention to it. He was a man. And he had a pride to save.

Though it risked his happiness.

"Well Tomoyo… then you could only hope. For I have never… you hear? I have never loved you from the beginning a-and…"

Her calm yet wounded gaze silenced him.

"Is that true, Eriol-kun?"

Silent droplet of tears trailed her porcelain face, but she still could manage her voice not to sound squeaky. "That you've never really loved me? Even for a little?"

Not loving her? Heck, loving Tomoyo was probably the only thing he could know for sure…

Even though Clow had ruled him to be with Kaho Mizuki, forecasting the bound between him and the ruby-eyed Priestess, but deep inside, he knew he could only love one person.

Tomoyo.

Seeing her dropping crystal droplet of tears, his heart wanted to cry for her too. He knew what he had been saying just then were all bullshit. He was –in fact – the one who couldn't let Tomoyo go. He was the one who couldn't accept the fact. He was the one who wanted to make his beloved guilty, so that his own guilt for ever letting her go, ceased away. He was the one who… loved her more than anything in this world.

He loved her with all his heart.

But his ego prevented him to speak it.

The haughtiness Clow had inherited to him.

Damn Hiiragizawa. For this one time. Forget your stupid ego and tell her the truth!

"I was so stupid, wasn't I?" she chuckled. "You've never loved me and it takes me 7 years to realize that…"

_You're wrong_, he wanted to say. _I've always loved you_. But the damn self-esteem once again sealed his mouth.

She wiped her tears. "I have to go. Good night, Eriol-kun," Tomoyo said as turning around and walked to the main building.

Still he was speechless.

But then the newly bride stopped her steps.

Hope rose inside him… Maybe there was a chance…

Without turning around, she spoke. "You know what? Back then at the wedding ceremonial… I was still expecting you to stop the wedding… But I guess it will always be the one-sided love for me. It's always like that,"

He widened his eyes. So she still… loved him all this time?

But what could he do? His ego had blinded him, and there was nothing he could do now.

Except to live in his guilt, regret,

And love loss.

….

….

….

_But an emptiness shall he get_

_For a pride man without love_

The End


End file.
